She Is My Favorite
by December Dragons
Summary: Randomness ensues as a new god takes command of He Is My Master (well, as far as this fanfic is concerned).


"Let me introduce myself. I am the cat god December-sama. Since the alligator god and the hamster god have split ways, I have taken it upon myself to write more _He Is My Master_. Since I don't have enough money to buy the rights, I will write fanfiction. Since it is fanfiction, I can do whatever I want (as long as the rating reflects what I write)! Izumi-chama, your days are numbered!"

"Aren't you forgetting something?" Mitsuki asked.

"Aw, yes, Mitsuki-chan. Can you do the honors of the introductions?"

"Well, this is our master, Yoshitaka Nakabayashi. What can I say that hasn't been said before?" Mitsuki shrugged.

"Hold on, hold on, hold on!" Yoshitaka interjected. "I'm the main protagonist of this series. Why can't I get a bigger role?"

"That's just how the cookie crumbles," Mitsuki shrugged him off.

"Next we have my one-san, Izumi Sawatari. She's the violent one since she takes testosterone and steroids to achieve her brute strength."

"What have I ever done to you?!" Izumi objected.

"Now, this one is Anna Kurauchi. She wants to jump my sister's bones."

"Shower me with blessings, December-sama," Anna sang at the thoughts of what she would do to Izumi.

"Now, you all already know Pochi, our pet alligator, but in reality he's a visitor from outer space."

"You know that's hogwash," Izumi pointed out.

"Next is Karin Sawatari. She was born out of our mother's side."

"So she's a Buddha, now?" Yoshitaka asked.

"Now, that seems to be about it for introductions. Other characters from the series may appear or not, who knows? Now, December-sama, tug on the strings of fate and make these puppets dance!"

**~xXx~**

"Ah-choo!" Izumi sneezed on one of Yoshitaka's prized vases as she was dusting.

"That's 5,000 more yen on your debt!" Yoshitaka bellowed.

"Drop dead!" Izumi retorted.

"You know you can pay off most of your debt right here right now," Yoshitaka lead on. Izumi felt a lump in her throat (Mr. Bean: If you know what I mean… [Get out of here, Mr. Bean! No one wants you here!]). "One nip slip and your debt will be brought down to 10,000 yen."

"Not even in your wildest fantasies!" Izumi threw a book at Yoshitaka, which he dodged magnificently, if I do say so myself. "What makes you think that that would even be allowed?"

"Didn't you read the first paragraph? This is fanfiction! On the internet! A new god has taken over our world. He can do whatever he wishes. For instance, he can make you wear that Sailor Bunny outfit I made for you in the third volume of the manga."

"WHAT THE HELL?!" (If you know of the outfit in question, you can understand her objection. If you don't know, then you are obviously not a fan of this series and shouldn't be reading its fanfiction!)

"See? He's perverted, hopefully more so than Mattsu. Asu and Onno won't be able to save you. Finally, I can be king of my own series! Hahahaha!" A flash of lightning appeared behind him as he struck an evil scientist pose, cackling with laughter.

Izumi was enveloped in a pink cloud of smoke and her outfit reverted back to her maid outfit after it dissipated. "Huh?"

"Well, I wished that could've lasted longer," Yoshitaka mused out loud, rubbing his chin. "Now get to work, maid!"

"LA MUERTE!" Izumi yelled, blowing her left fist into Yoshitaka's face. The back of his head hit a wall five feet behind him, and the wreckage formed a skull. She threw some yen at his carcass. "Don't forget to pay the ferryman, you ass."

A few hours later, Anna is in the kitchen busy preparing some god-awful—I mean, delicious meal for everyone. She set the table up and put a heaping portion of whatever bubbling green stew she concocted into five bowls. She pressed a button in the intercom system. "Lunch is served."

Yoshitaka received the message in his, well, I guess office? "Yeah, Anna-chan, I'll be down in a minute." He pulled out a drawer and hit the big red button inside it. Behind him a secret passage way opened up. "I almost died once today. Best not tempt the reaper."

"You think we should tell Anna that we've been eating out for the past week?" Izumi asked Mitsuki as they were sneaking out to Pochi's house to order some takeout.

"Nah. Maybe she improved upon her cooking. You should go and try it out," Mitsuki offered.

"Fat chance in hell. She has a better chance at taking my virginity. I hope she can give up this cooking rut."

"I can leak an anonymous phone call to the health department."

"No, we can't do that. If that happens we and Pochi and no where to live."

They arrived in Pochi's house to find Pochi hog-tied to the ceiling. Anna was sitting in a recliner reading a newspaper.

"Uh, Anna," Izumi said, her voice dripping with fear, sweet delicious fear, "we were just going to the kitchen. Right, Mitsuki?"

"We were ditching you in favor of real food," Mitsuki replied as if mortal danger wasn't staring them right in the face through the newspaper.

_She threw her own sister underneath the bus! _"Anna, please forgive me! Don't kill me!" Izumi pleaded while being prostrated on the floor.

Anna calmly folded the newspaper and placed it on the floor. "You don't think of me that highly? You think you can get away with eating fatty slop instead of my nutritious meals?" Anna pulled a pistol from her pocket and pointed it at Izumi. "I was going to make you so happy. I'm sorry things resorted to this."

_BANG!_

"Please! I'm sorry!" With a shout Izumi shot straight up in her bed, her body and sheets soaked in sweat. _Was that a dream? _"Did Yoshitaka dress me in something perverted?!" She ripped the blanket off her to find that she was dressed in proper sleepwear.

Yoshitaka appeared with a glass of water, or Izumi hoped to Christ that it was water. "Am I really that predictable?" he sighed, handing her the water.

"What happened?"

Yoshitaka sat in a chair and leaned back. "Well, you know how bad Anna cooks. Actually, I don't think that was food at all. We just might have to call the U.N. and report her for producing weapons of mass destruction, but I digress. We were a few bites into the meal when your face turned as green as the stew and you started convulsing on the floor. Mitsuki and I had to restrain Anna from giving you what she called 'mouth-to-mouth.' I called my personal doctor and he said you had terminal cancer. You have six months to live."

"Yoshitaka," Izumi growled.

"Ok, ok. That last bit wasn't true, but my doctor did recommend we either hire a proper cook or we order out." His eyebrows furrowed in a way that Izumi could've sworn was genuine concern. "Are you alright? You kept mumbling, 'Please! I'm sorry!'"

Izumi was genuinely touched. A slight blush crept on her cheeks. "Uh, yeah. I think I'll be fine now. I just need some more rest."

Yoshitaka left for the door. "Thank you," she said. He paused momentarily and left the room.

_Maybe he's finally becoming a real gentleman, _Izumi thought was she drifted off to sleep.

_He's becoming a real asshole! _Izumi had to restrain herself from saying that out loud. Since she spent a good chunk of yesterday Izumi had to do even more work, as Yoshitaka's logic dictated. As soon as she thought that she had done everything humanly possible in the mansion Yoshitaka pulled some other task out of a hat (yes, he pulled pieces of paper of tasks to do _out of a freaking hat!_).

"Well, what else does this hat have for you?" Yoshitaka jeered.

"Enough!" Izumi yelled, breaking a broom on her knee. "I've been working since dawn and it's almost four in the afternoon!"

"Hey, Anna," Yoshitaka beckoned, and Anna walked up to him. "I think Izumi's uniform is getting too uncomfortable for her. Can you find something out of my personal collection that will be *ahem* more appropriate for her."

"Of course!" Anna said, hearts coming out of her eyes.

Suddenly a stack of books appeared above Anna's and Yoshitaka's heads a large stack of books appeared out of nowhere and fell on them. "What the hell!" Yoshitaka grumbled, pulling his sorry ass out of the rubble.

"December-sama must've heard my prayers," Izumi gloated and walked off toward her room.

"You're my favorite, Izumi-chan."

Izumi looked around for the source of the voice, but found no one. Shrugging her shoulders she slinked off to freedom.


End file.
